fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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