i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
