I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
