i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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