i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
