I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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