sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
