he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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