Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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