i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize