1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
