You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Someone signed my nipple.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
