She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
