I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
