Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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