why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
