he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
