i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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