Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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