trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there was a trapeze. enough said
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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