I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
