god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
