friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
