I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
