If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
