Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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