the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Terrible idea I love it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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