Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
