we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
