He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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