The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
