be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
