I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
