She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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