I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
