Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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