jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
