the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
