I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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