I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
