So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
