Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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