it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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