omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
