He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
