I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
