kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
