The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was CRYING into my vagina
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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