All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
