420 ftw
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
