if i can run in heels then i can drive
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
