More tranny stories later!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
